Attaining Balance - CC2

The dictionary definition of balance is.....an even distribution of weight enabling a person or thing to remain upright or steady, or..... a situation in which different elements are in equal proportion.

I am a Pilates instructor and my job is to restore balance.

Imagine a coat hanger and that coat hanger is your skeleton. Perfectly balanced.
Imagine a heavy overcoat, made up of muscles connected by tendons. Perfectly balanced. Put this overcoat onto the coat hanger and the combination is no short of miraculous and ingenious balance.

Where there is no gravity there is no stress.

Standing upright with your head balancing on your neck perpendicular to the shoulders which are directly over the hips and the feet. The feet are planted with equal pressure on the triangle of "big toe to small toe to heel". No Gravity, No Stress.

Your pelvis acts as your anchor which is central to your stability.

The pelvis is like a cage. Around that cage we have a weight belt. This weight belt is connected to the pelvis and the diaphragm. When breathing, on inhale we expand our lungs. On exhale the lungs empty and tug on the weight belt, the transverse abdominal muscle, activating it.
Deep breathing just on it's own will improve the lumber vitality.

The spine is a natural and gentle 's' curve consisting of 7 neck vertebrae, 12 thoracic vertebrae, 5 lumbar vertebrae, a sacrum and a coccyx.

If you lie on your back the pelvis is central and acts as the fulcrum. Imagine a huge bolt with two equal levers made of steel attached. If one or both of the levers lifts then there is pressure on the fulcrum. The longer the levers and the heavier, the stronger the fulcrum has to be.
Your pelvis is that fulcrum and your upper body and the lower body are the levers.

Then we're thrown a curve ball.
We have a dominant side.

We develop habits over time which in turn create well worn brain paths to automatic movement.
Carrying a handbag over one particular shoulder for years will create in itself a few problems. Turning toward you handbag 20 times per day creates a rotation that number of times, which creates stronger muscles in that direction. How we drive our cars, turning a foot in a habitual manner or resting a leg in an automatic vehicle will create a stretch on that particular leg and work on the other.
How we sit and where you turn to your computer screen are all habitual movements which create strength in muscles in a certain position or direction.
Slowly we tip the scales and put more and more pressure on the body and often the lower back and pelvis. Eventually there's a breaking point at which the body doesn't cope with the imbalance and results in a torn muscle, ligament or debilitating pain.

Now you have 2 options. One is to go to a surgeon who'll cut the muscular coat to fit the coat hanger and even worse, adjust the coat hanger to fit the imbalance of the overcoat.

Your second option is to practice pilates.

The pilates instructor will take you and squeeze you in the middle like a closed toothpaste tube.
You will lengthen, taking the pressure off your lumbar spine and strengthen the muscles surrounding the pelvis, to cope with the movement of your upper and lower body. The muscular overcoat can be strengthened and stretched into balance over time. Your posture will improve.

Pilates is a mindful practice and purposeful movement is essential.
Correcting and creating new brain paths to new ways of moving.
Retraining muscles, creating new habits aiming at an upright posture.

Become aware of how you walk, how you sit and how you stand.

Balance is good.
Balance is attainable.
Balance is perfect.

Mr. Toastmaster.

Mgm and the Roller coaster ride - CC1

I came into this world kicking and screaming in Klerksdorp.
I was bracing myself for what I now know to be a preordained roller coaster ride.

I already had a brother, my sister was born a year later and my mom turned 21.

My mom had left school in Std. 9 to help support her family financially. She had grown up in a mining town and hadn't travelled.
My dad on the other hand had studied in South Africa and in Edinburgh and had travelled the world.
He was a "de Wet", family of the Boer General de Wet and was the minister of the local church.

This proved to be an explosive combination.

It is safe to say that I had a very well disciplined Presbyterian upbringing, which often involved the belt.

I remember on one occasion my mom getting us to march up and down the passage singing "I'm a brave, brave mouse, I go marching through the house....."

My reading was controlled and limited to Barbara Cartland romance. My education as to "how to be a lady"......It goes like this........You see a man in a billowing white shirt, riding a horse, you slump into a dead faint, he scoops you up and the rest is "His" story.......

At home the music choice was marching classics.

I'll skip to the last 3 years of my schooling which was spent at Potch Girls High.
I spent much of my time in a music room playing the piano and played the Radetsky march for the girls entering and leaving assembly.
I took flute lessons at the neighbouring school and was the "classical slot" in the prizegiving programme.
I was accepted for the Western Transvaal Choir and we sang weekly at Potch University.
I was chosen to sing overseas and after returning the choir joined with others and we sang Vivaldi's Gloria Deo with the Johannesburg Philharmonic Orchestra........one of my favorite memories.

I was accepted to Wits to study a BMus but this didn't last long. Barbara Cartland proved to be a less than competent teacher of social reality.

I went on to do Cobol Programming at Infoplan in Pretoria and loved it.
I was called into the office after a few months and was expecting a promotion.
Apparently I was a "security risk". My mom had been writing to an ANC friend who had been involved in a bombing incident. Remember that this was in 1980. At the time that I was being "expelled", the security police were all over the farm in Tierpoort.

The next best thing was to get married, so I did.
Little did I know that I was jumping from the fire into the frying pan.

With the marriage came a change of initials and I received my MgM status and a life to match.
Polo in the winter, skiing in the summer and very busy social life.
We lived in the Free State.
I had 3 beautiful and very creative children who went to school in Natal.
Up and down van Reenen's Pass on a weekly basis for ten years.

My mom, exempt by her age had applied to Unisa and done her theology degree. She also did an H.E.D and then went overseas to work and travel.
She is now an Anglican Priest.

One by one the children left and it was my que to step out on my own.
I arrived in Pretoria 7 years ago.
The cage of the roller coaster hit the water and created a huge wave.
The water settled to a calm pool and I realise the purpose of the ride.

I bought a little house.
I have developed a medicinal herb garden and enjoy bird watching. The only music I play now is the Djemi drum, every two weeks in a drumming circle.
My children brought me a cat called Ninja.
I'm a Pilates instructor and give 35 lessons a week.
I read, write and blog. My bookcase is full of books on Psycology, philosophy, religious ceremony and ancient cultures. My favorite book find is "Jewish folklore". I went to Schul after getting permission from the Rabbi.

"There are no mistakes".

In my old life I was a whiskey drinking, chain smoking, pill popping socialite.
Today I drink pure water, green tea, black coffee and use only plant medication.
With the help of Toastmasters I aspire to be an inspiration speaker to women who need inspiration.
I want to be a social light.

Mr. Toastmaster.

MgM Pilates Pretoria 2010 - 2017

 

Ayahuasca 2

Another Ayahuasca opportunity came up and I was keen and not nearly as nervous as the first time.

My intention for this journey was to reconnect my synapsis and be able to articulate between what I was thinking and what came out of my mouth.  After taking the dose I settled down for the meditation and slowly a deep nausea come up. A line shot up into the space in front of me underlining all of my guides and angels.  I was sitting cross legged and my knees were touching the man next to me - I couldn't purge into the bucket that close, so I made my way outside to the toilet. I purged into the loo and looked at a live colour changing globule the size of a tennis ball in the bowl. I was told to thank the process and went back to the circle. After sitting down again the Shaman realised I'd left the protected circle and came to bless and clear the energy around me.

I settled back and a huge frog appeared in front of me. It was so big, green and pink and brown - I looked up to it. Friendly, just staring at me. I felt calm.

I started to get a prickly feeling over my head as if I had millions of poppers in my brain. A realignment.

I had a vision of electric blue light wands coming from a stem, waving around.....becoming live.

This journey was a lot less intense than the first journey and the changes have been permanent.

Free

Thunder above our heads in the
clouds blinding us misty vision

Rain pelts on down as a duck
hugs her feathers and it rolls right off her back

Water runs free to the valleys to be
the ballast for my raft

Going with the flow and rising the tide
comes in to beach with treasure

Each rolling wave has the power to save
and to drown you in blissful rapture

Loose yourself float away purple hue
carpet ride up and away

Kundalini tantric dreaming
sacred otherworld splendour

Who knows what tomorrow will bring
your suns and your moon and your star

A shift in perception will bring new reflection
as we look upon Earth from Mars


MgM (c)

Shamanic Shifting

I see you all
in Lemon Haze
brisk and clear
against a warm soft fog
Touching souls
an iris handshake
smiling welcome
holding light
A still pond waits
we let our fish loose
we share ourselves
reel them back into us
To hug them close
accepting gifts
Yoda, Sheba, Angel, Pan
receiving countless blessings
Beads clap crisply
rhythmic rejoicing
Gratefully remembering
brass on brass
inducing visions
smudged me clean
a Sage affair

MgM (c)

Positional Perception

Hansel and Gretal I see in the clouds and then there's a shift and a pig appears

Moonbathing under a cool blue sky, flickering flames make the shadow dance

St. Peters' sit in the sandy beds, newly planted and grateful for water

NinjaKat lies on the cool tiles, keenly watching insects that I can't see

Crickets and beetles rub their wings totally unaware that I am listening

I bless my children, confess my sins, to something I only feel

Depending on which side you're on, the truth could be a lie

Perception plays an important part of how we experience life

Remember what for you is joy , could be anothers strife

All action has a domino effect and changes lifes great flow

It ripples out to create a shift, be aware of the seeds you sow

My body is a great machine and serves me well today

Each cell is full of consciousness and knows my deepest wish

Wish wisely heart for without a doubt will manifest in time

MgM (c)

Show me

Show me the picture
that fills your head
Tell me the things
that cannot be said
Explain yourself fully
and open your heart
Honestly, bravely
before time to part
I hold onto secrets
that squirm in my mind
Harboring feelings
in boxes that shine
Tucked away truths
learned over time
need coaxing to surface
but the feeling sublime
To free yourself fully
and walk away fine

MgM (c)

Life is Good

jasmine white, crisp and bright
sparrows in flight, high as a kite
flutter down happy to seeds
black collared barbet punching the apple
doves lift and drop while the mousebirds squabble
kitty sits quietly, interested, keen
purring lightly amidst moments to preen
light dragonfly spins and hovers over water
geckos cling warmly to a roughened wall
bees gobble gladly on an open rose
some kind of bugs they rise and then rest
do nothing now, the scene is set
to watch and marvel
truly blessed

MgM (c)

All of me...Ayahuasca Jhb

I felt called to do an Ayahuasca ceremony. I couldn't get to my pain. A few friends had spoken about it and I was so drawn. I wanted to experience it in the most authentic way and decided that I would sell my car and fly to the jungle. I had watched some footage and knew this would release me from my demons.

I got a call from a friend to say that there would be a ceremony, if I was serious, in Johannesburg in a few weeks and a Shaman was coming from Peru. Taking ayahuasca he knew, was no joke. A mindblowing expansion that one may not be prepared for and once you're on that rollar coaster you can't get off for several hours. I was serious and booked my place.

I decided to do a waterfast for three days before ceremony, which may have been, in hindsight, a bit renegade.

A shamanic friend had asked 3 days before, where I held my pain? I indicated my pelvic area - it felt as if I was carrying hard black rocks tied around me.

The group arrived at the huge house the night before, for a greet and blessing before the ceremony the next evening. We stood in a loose circle and in a quiet room the shaman stood in front of each participant and blessed them. He stood and looked right into my eyes and pointed his finger at my pelvis. He said his blessing over me and finished blessing the circle. We all left silently to set our intentions for the ceremony.

On arrival, I saw a huge room with a beautiful shiney wooden floor through large glass doors. We were led outside into a vast garden where silent participants stood or sat smiling and ready. We nodded greetings and I was taken in to choose a spot against the wall, to lay out my bedroll, blanket and cushion, to position my bucket, water and tissues.

There were already others sitting quietly on their stations. The Shamans with assistants were quietly chanting and cleansing the area. 

The lights were dimmed and candles quivered. The air was thick with expectancy and reverence, smudge and Palo Santo (holy wood)

We were led in a meditation for 20 minutes. Everyone was connected. One by one the participants went to the front to take their blessed drink and return to their bedroll.

Eyes closed and waiting for another 20 or so minutes for the journey to begin, my heart was beating so hard, I was trying to breath deeply and relax. 

A call for another drink to deepen the experience and I took another portion.

I don't remember getting back to my bedroll.

Someone was crying so deeply, body cracked by heaves of sorrow and the Shamans were singing the most beautiful songs and chanting, chanting.....they were around me, very close by.

The moment I realised that it was me crying I was transported to the middle of a veld. I was lost, I couldn't see anything but dry golden grass, that was taller than I was. "Look up", she said in a beautiful clear voice. . "There is a bigger picture", I looked up at the blue sky, there were no clouds. "Dont blame them, its bigger than that". My friend had said that if I got lost in my journey that I must call for Sheba. So I did, Sheba, Sheba I called and a huge German Shepard came through the grass. He lay down with me and I was filled with joy. My sister came through the grass and said, you think you're the Queen of Sheba, and stroked his fur. 

I was in the chair of a hairdresser. She was teasing my hair for my Aunts wedding, my sister and I were flowergirls. I was babbling and very hyped up, "this little bitch just won't shut up!" I stopped in my tracks it cut so deep. "It's not her fault", Mother Aya placed in my heart an understanding of the hairdresser and showed me that I had held this to me and now I could let it go.

I was under my babysitter, I could smell her French kiss and feel her hands.

"Look up, rise out of it", Mother Aya comforting instruction.

My dad was hitting me, fearfully cringing and confused, "Look up, it's not his fault, he doesn't know" There's more, it's bigger than him.

Each incident was replaced with Joy.  Aya showed me that I was hiding my little girls in a zipperbag around my pelvis.....keeping them there, heavy as rocks....

I was aware of angels with me for the whole journey. I thanked Mother Aya for my children and my human angels, I felt so grateful.

All of me

Come back to me
my little girls
my shattered self

Jump on my lap
be cuddled warm body
hug me tight and giggle softly
you're safe in my arms tonight

Piggy back child
Where did you hide?
cling tightly to me

There's another under the bed
no need to be scared

Run into my heart
sweet dark haired child
I'll lift you up on high
I'll hold your hand
protect your plan
fill your eyes with love

Come back to me
my little girls
the lost one and the lonely
they'll never laugh at you again
riding on my shoulders

I'll put them back where they belong
these sacred parts of me...

MgM (c)

Slay the Dragon

My eyes turn to find the shadow
Sitting on my side that turns away to hide
Come out you dark and disgusting thing,
cowardly courteous sulking smugly sick sacrilege
Your stench is sour and surly, suggesting sin.
I'm free and I'm whole!
Take that slap and this one too...
 I'm perfect!
and with it your gormless guilt.
Sis on you evil enemy, draping perfect beings with shame, covering their beauty
Short lived shadow that falls away completely at loves bright and even slightest beam.

death will come in time

We crane our necks and look to see what others need to do,
we look behind us wide eyed preachers, remember what they did. 
The finger wags, the future dark and we don't sleep for worry.
Rest assured and wind your neck in, let the history go. 
There's very little about our future that we're sure to know.
Stay here and now, this very moment, breathe deeply, soft' your brow.
Count your blessings one by one, allow your face to shine
There's nothing bad that can't be fixed...... and, death will come in time.
There's love and marriage, hugs and babies, friends and lovers too,
Enjoy it all with an open heart, each day comes fresh and new.

MgM

You're enough

Off to the desert said tarzan of the apes

I'm sick of the usual cobra snake steaks

I'll be warm and dry, with no mozzies and flies

No rain for a year, what a pleasant surprise

I'll swop said the bushman for trees are so lush

And the shade of the forest in the heat is a must

I'll lie in a hammock and get drenched by the rain

The sand and the dunes are always the same

Oh give me a big house, a car and a boat

I've been struggling enough with a skip in the moat

I'll be happy with holidays, glamour and glitz

I'll be calm as a river if you take me to the ritz

I'll swop said the rich girl for contentment and love

You can have all my rings and even the gloves

Peace can't be bought with a large bank report

Alternative sources of pleasure will be sought

Consumers in malls with enticing stalls

Hypnotically searching for purpose

I have a list and I need this and this

I have plans, I have work and there's Christmas

Even king of the apes gets sick of grapes

And the aridman lives for the rain

Straight hair wants curly and bushy wants bald

Looking ever outward we get so bored

We are sitting on treasures too great to explain

We're alive and we still complain

Better to be dead cause I'm still not happy

How's your mind! Look around! Life's insane!

Walk away from the droll of the empty day

And just be yourself in a peaceful way

There are wonders to see, look for miracles in me

Make a difference in love……..you're enough

(c) MgM

Just over your head...

There's a battle raging in the heavenly realms,
a sinister chess game for slovenly souls
Look up! Look sharp! Protect your person...
There are spirits around will oblige for certain
bartering market for unconscious minds
"they're dead in the water, so why not oblige?",
say the evil contenders, amassing a throng.
Draw your sword it's time for action
tension rising in opposing factions
be the light against the dark
Your silent arrows hit the mark
Stealthy, knowing, healthy, glowing
be prepared and wisdom friend,
be brave and fearless, nearing end
Times are changing fast

MgM (c)

Metal Ox

I would rather be an ox than a monkey in the tree

I’d rather have a steadfast base with some stability

There’s more to say for growing old with gentle repartee

Than a monkey on my back, playing tricks on me

Hey ho Monkey off you go to war

Hey ho Monkey I’d rather be a bore

I want peace for all it’s worth and I don’t think it’s wrong

Spread some love, hug some hugs and sing a happy song

Hear a laugh and an honest cry with a shoulder good and strong

Leap in joy for all you’re worth and sound your deepest gong

Hey ho Monkey off you go to war

Hey ho Monkey I’d rather be a bore

I would rather be an ox than a monkey in the tree

I’d rather have a steadfast base with some stability

There’s more to say for growing old with gentle repartee

Than a monkey on my back, playing tricks on me

MgM

Law

Barristers bustling in black heavy bearing
Itchy hot wigs need a scratch with a ballpen
No wonder they're irritable and angry to scalding
Their toes sticking close in a shoe that's too tight
Feet throbbing begging in shining black boxes
Just imagine the frustration as it leads to a mauling.

Throw off the dark heavy hot judgement gear
Relieve your head with an ice cold beer
Untie the tight and binding laces
Free your feet to walk in soft places
Let go and let god, let the universe steer
Spreading your toes to the air of small graces.

MgM

Limirick fun

There once was a man from paternoster
Who walked with a gun in a holster
He said stick em up
But the bullet got stuck
And he landed aloft in a dumpster

                                *

There was a young woman from germany
Who made the best stollen to give to me
I took a small bite and spat it right out
She'd forgotten the raisons and bourbon tea 
I took a tight slap to the back o' the head
And looked up in wide eyed surprise
Her face was red when the dog bit her leg
But she shook him off with a kick
I said, "no more" and made a move to the door
When she charged me with pan in hand
What a day to be had when the energies bad
And the sky is confused with a cloud
I'll go right on home and get pleasantly stoned
And send blessings and love to the toad

from capsules to crystals...

Lost 'n lonely missfit pisscat
permed 'n sprayed and called a spoiled brat
pop a pill to smile and cook that
be prepared to hug and slug spat

slowly dawning ray of light bright
slips into the darkened right night
tiny tic(k) perception prickles
skin awareness gooseflesh ripples

awaken lost 'n lovely missfit!
pour the pills into the toilet
punch addictions face with fistfuls
dirty stubs of ash 'n slimeballs

find yourself with precious purpose
live the day free flowing focus
sip a cup of healing thistle
light 'n bright you're clear as crystal

MgM (c)

The Drum

As I passed the circle for the first time drum beats rose into the air. The little shop was full of the instrument of rhythm and I joined the throbbing circle with my numbered skin.

I needed this. I needed therapy and this was my cheapest option. Driving home in a sated state I knew that I’d be back, where I could hide and hit and thump and play.

At the end of the year and the last drumming circle of 2008, I clutched the birthday money and knew I’d have one of my own. The drums and digiridoos that I had left behind left a sickly feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I didn’t realise how much they were and when I put my large hand on the drum that I could afford, my fingers reached over the edge. I decided to double the amount to R800 but was worried about December coming up with no work.  I could see the size that I needed and although it was still a little small, it was perfect. I dilly dallied with the sizes. I brought up one drum and then another asking the size and price. Mine was in the mix but R300 more than I could afford. I kept asking and swopping drums and the crowd in the shop grew. As soon as the lady gave me an R800 price on a R1100 drum, I literally shoved the money into her hand and was chuffed that I had got “a bargain”.

I pushed the reality of what I’d done deep down under my anger and entitlement. I justified my deception and thought that in the great scheme of things it was very minor.

It never worried me, I forgot about it, until I bought a new drum that I could well afford. That night started pricking lightly at my mind. My heart was healed and I had been on a roller coaster ride of amazing healing and self discovery.  I had red beads tied on the first drum and couldn’t put red beads on the new drum.  The red beads were symbolic of my “bleeding time”, my grief, over the loss of my old life.

My ex-husband got engaged last Sunday. I felt complete release and freedom, a welcome reaction and measuring stick of my spiritual growth over the last 6 years.

I knew that week that I had to get to drumming, although I didn’t connect these two events.

When I realised the drum was gone I was strangely calm. I went to tell my friends that I thought it had been lifted and in support of my loss sent the thief many curses of damnation, lambasting him with bad luck for years to come and many awful things to happen. Right at that point I knew that it was unfair and I confessed to them and begged them not to send bad vibes to the sweeper of my last chapter.

I then posted a pic of the drum on the social media and made it public. I received a barrage of pity for me and fury at the thief. Another spiritual friend reminded me that their karmic debt and all curses sent would be added to mine if the drum wasn't mine in the first place. I'm truly grateful to him. I deleted the post.

.....it was time to confess.

I’m embarrassed and very sorry. I had in the six years come to feel so much for the owner and his family, which made this even worse. I also know that this is perfect in the plan for more depth and understanding of how the karmic wheel turns and how gracious and stupendously precise universal discipline is.

I let the “bleeding drum” go with love and know that the next person will learn the lessons that are so exacting if they are interested to learn and grow, and make restitution, even if it takes 6 years.

I'm a Leaf

Softly falling,
gently curling
where am I going to land?

Crisp and dry
in the winter sky,
tree top overhead.

Branches bare,
there's time to spare,
to say goodbye to Summer.

Looking up,
a spiral smile,
a twist then flick to floating.

I greet the bloodhound,
welcome earthbound,
sway on in, I'm home!

Silent landing,
light and gracious.
Glad I'm not a stone.

MgM (c)

Honey Bee

You land on me like a honey bee
drawn by loves sweet nectar
light and soft you circle oft
and hover, steady, gliding.
Hypnotize with loving eyes
and sparkle, bubbling laughter.

Come rest in me
sigh deeply on
a bed of clouds 'n cuddle.

Come rest in me
allow the sea
to spray a dewy drizzle.

Magnetized by your surprize
an open box of treasure
Reaching in we sink or swim
the edge is long forgotten.
Open arms we flale and gasp
then comes contented measure...

MgM (c)

Diana Cooper and the Angels

Diana Cooper, Angel Seminar 3 May 2014, Wanderer’s Club, Illovo

Rubbing our hands together Diana explained how to feel and become aware of our auras. We all grounded and protected ourselves throughout the 12 chakras (5 disappeared after the age of Atlantis, but now returning and re-instated). We are moving toward the Golden Age in 2032 with many people reaching  spiritual consciousness in the time between now and then. 2012 being the mark of the end of the Age of Atlantis.

Each Archangel was called upon and from Sandolphyn spinning black and white becoming silver under our feet in the Earth star chakra, grounding and anchoring me to the earth, up through the root chakra (Platinum) Sacral chakra in pale pink and the navel chakra in orange, protected by Gabriel . The solar Plexis covered by Uriel in gold and heart by Archangel Chamuel in pure white. Throat chakra is royal blue with Archangel  Michael  protecting. Third eye was depicted as a crystal transparent ball of green.  Jophiel is at the crown chakra with it’s 1000 petalled lotus. The causeal chakra is the domain of Christiel in pure white, the soul star chakra, Zadkiel is magenta and Metatron who looks into the sources eyes on the stellar gateway chakra in gold.  The soul  star covered and enveloped me and sped up and down my chakras. Small to the bottom and up to the top increasing in size like wide open arms until it reached all of the universe. Then Archangel Chamuel’s  protective light  was called upon, Metatron’s  Gold light poured down the middle and holding forth and then pouring in the bright white light of Christ.

Diana explained to us that we each have a protecting Archangel and we should ask who it is. Although I know I have a specific protecting Angel, I use the four she mentions later most of the time.

She said that some of us had a dragon, which would burn away any negative energy at our command. We could use him either up and down our Chakras, at a specific place or around a specific person.  My dragon is called Joffre and I felt immediately calm at feeling him at my side.

……opening the heart chakra…….. in couples we covered our partner with Chamuel’s protective pale pink light and the gold light of Metatron. We opened first the outer layer of 11 petals, slowly one at a time, then to the next layer of 11, down to the layer of 9 and the last 3 petals right on the inner circle of the heart. We sang the name of the person into their heart with all the love that was in our own. Then we very gently whispered their name right into the center of their heart.

The diamond meditation connected us to all that is abundant and wealthy. Placing the diamond shape around and over us, and proceeding with our walk with diamond energy radiating from our being. This could be used to cover your house and the desires of your heart and soul. We then had to envisage everything that we wanted and how our lives should look in abundance. We then told our partner our vision as if it was already so and then claimed that it was already so.

The thousand petalled crown chakra was opened in the same way as the heart, firstly covering and protecting with Chamuel’s light and then the gold light of Archangel  Metatron. This literally felt like a crown of a thousand petals. My head reached up and into and fit the crown. It was connected at the tip of each petal with the outer reaches of the universe. A feeling of prickly heaviness came over my head and my mind felt very open.

In groups of three we rubbed our hands creating a ball, a sphere of yellow light and meditated on an animal coming into that light and the message it gave us. In sharing, there was a wolf and the message was to trust. I had NinjaKat and her message was simply to “Enjoy”.  A dog was present and his message  was “not to worry quite as much.”

We connected to the elementals in a quiet glade.  I had a green pixie jump into the palm of my hand. We were instructed to become a bridge between the elementals and the animals. We then were introduced to our unicorn, who showered us with blessings and we were instructed to get up and go along for a ride. The ride took us out into the universe up, up, up, and then deep into mother earth where we were introduced to Lady Gaia.

 We were introduced to our birth families before we chose them and assured that we were here for a reason and had a special purpose. Lady Gaia told me how much she loved me and that she knows the journey had been tough, but that to fulfill my purpose, everything was as it should be and perfect and that I did belong and that she understood and loved me before I came to earth. Right here was where I cried for the journey being as tough as it has been and shed some of the heaviness and loneliness.

I cry as I write this. It was like meeting my long passed over Grandmother who loved me so very much and who I miss to this day. I felt the unconditional love from Lady Gaia seep deeply into my heart.

Protection always………..Calling on the Archangels for protection we were instructed to visualize a large circle surrounding us. I had Angel Michael covering the front portion of the circle in deep blue. Raphael stands to the right quadrant of the circle in pure white. Gabriel standing behind me filling the back quadrant in green and Uriel on the left,  filling that side with yellow light. Sandolphyn again holds the area under my feet with silver light (platinum) and Metatron holds the top position in gold light. The pure white light of Christ is then pour over and into enveloping everything.

We made an intention to Seriphum that whoever was right to lead South Africa into the next few years should step forward.  We did this with seven long “Ohms” (this was a request from one of the audience)

Diana listed 12 masters like Peter the Great, Jesus, Abraham etc that had their own function and we were to choose the one that resonated with us. Mine was definitely the 12^th, being St. Catherine of Sienna and her function of igniting in a person a spiritual flame. We got together again in a trio, shared our Master and handed over our Karma to the master. The two other parties then helped to draw the Karma out of our bodies. Very powerful and I was very hot and flushed after.

We called on Mother Mary and received her cloak. This was amazing as Diana led us through a meditation where sprouted wings and could reach out and envelop those that we wanted to bless and send them love and a far reaching unconditional love hug. I can still feel my wings and will use them every day. 

What an amazing gift!

Gaia and the Diana Cooper Seminar

She led us to a safe and peaceful place. The sun was warm on the soft grass with wild flowers, trees and a beautiful large pond. A unicorn came quietly through the trees and bent down. On his back I felt safe and the journey to middle earth was smooth. Gaia sat on a huge chair and looked at me lovingly. Her smile was gentle and her eyes shone. Her arm spread out and circled to the group standing quietly watching. I want to remind you that you chose a journey before you were conceived that we knew would be difficult. You are a strong one. I want to show you your parents for the journey - and with the other hand opening, they stood before me - so young, they were so young is all I could think. There they all were.

I nodded. Have a look, she said, at all of your guides and angels that have been with you all of this time and will be with you till the end. I looked at the angels, the horseman with the headdress and the cloaked smiles. This is your family. It is they who will welcome you back.

It’s so much easier to forgive when you understand.

Thank you Diana Cooper

St Germain has been talking to me and reminds me of the seminar that Dane invited me to - Golden Eagle, “Sorry that you got lost…

Mandy, You can’t hide from God.”

The Sweat Lodge

The Spiritual journey continues with a trip to a sweat lodge facilitated by a shaman, on a smallholding in Johannesburg.  As we drove, I was aware of a light tension headache, apprehensive at the thought of the ritual. The "lodge" is similar to an African Hut with a small low doorway. Twenty participants crawl into the lodge after a sage smudging (cleansing with sage smoke). We take up places around the walls and pack in tightly sitting cross legged with knees touching. We have prepared for a cleansing sweat ceremony and the red hot rocks are brought in from a huge fire outside,through the small doorway, to sit centrally in a sand bowl dugout.
Water is smacked onto the rocks with a bush of lavender and the door closes, plunging us into darkness. I wasn't prepared for this. We are instructed not to communicate with each other. I saw the tiny patches of light shining dimly through the woven "womb" and the ominously glowing rocks and calmed my rising anxiety. The heat was already unbearable, but I kept my focus on my breathing and calming myself, "you can do this ,we are  all together, you can do this, breathe". After ten minutes the wave of panic hit me. It rose up through my chest and gripped a strong hand on my throat. The urge to get up and run, to get out and scream was huge, my mind and body rebelling. I rocked myself and watched the sensation until it receded somewhat and I was in control again.I kept telling myself that any "rebirth" ceremony was bound to be uncomfortable.
I hadn't coloured my hair for 2 months. I had taken off all nail polish, taken out my belly ring. I had stopped using petrolium filled aqueous cream and my body had complained angrily with an itchy rash over my trunk.
The facilitators and shaman started singing beautiful comforting songs and asked us to bring up into our minds all that we were grateful for. I brought my children to mind and thanked the universe for being custodian to these wonderful souls and my heart filled with love.
My vision was of a large snake slowly moving and shedding it's skin. One of the first of many steps to renewal.
The doorway opened and as the light streamed into the area, I closed my eyes. More rocks were brought in to increase the heat. I didn't want to see the "physical outside". I wanted to stay in my heartspace where I'd created a place of calm.
We were back in the darkness for the second session. Some heavy breathing going on in the lodge, more water, more herbs(creating some smoke) and more heat.
For most of my life prior to the start of my journey I had been part of the Christian faith and had belonged to an evangelical church practicing laying on of hands, speaking in tongues, healing and visions. My tongue came to me and I started after the prompting of the shaman to sing or hum. I had a strange feeling of listening to my words and listening to the words around me - My heart filled with awe as I realised that the shaman was using the same words as I had received in the church, probably 15 years prior.
I was thrilled and knew this all somehow was linking up.
We sang until the end of the second session while a large bottle of water was passed around. My bladder was starting to complain and I tried to calm myself and control the urges. I was feeling full of love and exilarated.
The third session started after adding more rocks, more water, more smoke and even more heat.
The shaman led us in a Chakra meditation. We sounded out the Chakra notes for each and my voice was strong and confident.We started the humming for throat Chakra, and I had no voice! I couldn't believe it. I tried and tried and it was as if something had stuck in my throat. We moved on and I struggled to concentrate. I became extremely nauseous and my bladder was screaming at me.
My tension headache took full hold and gripped talons into my forehead and I rocked myself to keep from panic.
The door opened after the third session, there was one more to go. A man asked if  he could leave the lodge and was given the go ahead. This was my que. I also asked to leave the lodge and crawled to the doorway. Outside I felt punch drunk and disorientated. I head towards the bathrooms bent over double, relieved to be out and disappointed to be out, all at the same time.
On returning to wait at the fire outside the lodge (you can't go back in after you have left) I had the assurance of a large Monarch butterfly, one of  my totem animals, that all was in place. I sat on the bench and looked at my hands and feet that were swollen smooth and fat and sobbed into my facecloth.
I took a rock and cleared a space in the fire where I threw my facecloth and places a few twigs over it. I pushed away the thought, "she never finishes anything". I closed my eyes and let the tears drain. As the fire greedily gobbled the material and sent up a resounding "whoosh", I opened my eyes and knew all was as it should be and that I had received healing and confirmation and that was enough. My spiritual friend said afterwards........"there's no judgement". Thankyou.
The last session ended and spiritually renewed, physically disorientated bodies tumbled from the lodge. Everyone made their silent and stunned way to an outdoor shower and plunge into an icecold pool. The aftermath of spiritual experience was heavy with meaning. We slowly and softly ladled veggie soup into our bowls and grabbed chunks of bread. A collective reverence covered the group with some mumbled conversation started and reached a relaxed chat. After regaining our composure, we drove home slowly. Fears met, spirits changed we drank lots of water and allowed the effects and revelations soak into our spirits and see the changes over the next months.

Craving

my dried out honeycomb brain
nothing sweet about it
so sticky
tight as toffee
presently tense
craving, wanting worthless poison
prickling head of pins and needles
sew a seam of primitive stiches
'cross my high brow temples,
churches spire reeks heavenly havoc
emerging powerfully
dragging fear like lowly scum
to ooze on out
of every pour
I wish for more
of empty sweet addiction
but then the rain
it cleanses, quenches
runs through dragging debris
soon I hope
to see the light
my head relieved, refreshed
and when I look again
I hope to see
a pomegranate?

Brave slave

Be my brave slave and I'll shackle you gently and even be your knave

....be gone she said for I'll give you the knee and tie you to a tree

But I'd LOVE your hand and look after you well and even tell you how to be

.....alas she said, there are feathers in your head for I'm already me

You'll lose me then to some young thing and forfeit a life of bliss

......So be it then. I'll take a pen and write the book of sorrow,
and when you look again you'll see I'll still be me tomorrow

I'm brave and strong and seldom wrong, be mine! My very last offer

.....I'll pass she said for chivalry's dead, this trick was most uncovered.
We'll stay right here and drink a beer, enjoy a life untethered.

MgM 

Slut

When Johnny took his pants off, he had a little thing!
that I had never seen before!
mine must have been all squashed in!?
We checked to see and can't be sure
his mom just chased me out the door.

My eyes were wide as saucers,
I ran as fast could be,
to tell my dad what I couldn't see
but he was cross and said I'm bad
and that's from having daughters!

Teacher, teacher what's a nickname?
Pauly says it's short
yes! she said, it means "like you", but....
Oh I know, I know! It starts with "little"
like when Daddy called me slut?...

I got to the dinner table dying to tell
that the teacher said a BAD word
Dad wagged his finger very close to my face
"children are to be seen,
but NEVER to be heard"

I hid my voice in my cupboard 
and took it out to play
My Barbie's name was "little slut"
and Ken was "little bastard"
but don’t you worry, don’t feel bad
Uncle Paddy said
It can be our secret
whenever I feel sad.

MgM

Bosluis Bravado

Bosluis byt jou braaf
daar suig hy aan jou vel
Stadig steel hy lewensbloed
skuil hy weg soos skelms moet
snoesig in daai donker plek

Maak oop jou oe duiwelsdrek
en kyk vir my, jy's na aan vrek
kom uit daai warm donker plek
ek het jou lyf en ek gaan trek
maar voordat jy jou einde sien
laat ek net vir jou "voertsek" bedien

MgM 2013

Love

Bright white light
drizzles into my open head
prickling it's way down to my heart

Swelling and bursting full of tiny blessings
spread the corners of my mouth

Rising up I float and fly
reaching out in full hearty flow
spread my wings, carried on bliss

Swiftly lifting, floating arc
loving, brimming, swimming free

My hands pour soft embracing healing
sweet warm oil, oozing overhead

Lashes catch and hold for a second
releasing drops that catch in lips
that taste annointed blessing

MgM

Musical Mirror

The depths of my soul in a requiem
who I am sings deeply blissful.
Where do I go to for solace?
If not to the yearning of strings,
and when my heart is joyful
a gypsy band will sing.

A happy reunion reflects
in the jive of technology's button.
My thriving soul will look for expression
in an exuberance of celebration,

and when the pain of regret appears
a slow movement soaks my depression.

Love and passion,
soft lids and lashes
latino and tango and swing,
when there's a spring in my step
and life feels so good
I'll be drawn to the sound of the Ud.

There's a drum in there somewhere
for my tribal and tramping
a thumping of real and robust
play now, play hard
todays all you have
ashes to ashes dust to dust

MgM

Fatherfear

Conditioned to fear, to run, to hide
No place is safe from harm
Dad said never trust anyone
While carrying whip in hand
When I look at you I see
Whatever I have seen
My eyes are shrouded with a mist
My filter skewed distorted
Anger, fear and jealousy
One pulls the love apart
To look for the worm the hidden thing
That lurks inside
And when you look again
It's gone,
I broke it tore it ripped it open
Leaving only shreds
The memory of it remains
And guilty full of shame
I try once more
Only to do the same
Help me to see your love anew
Listen with my heart
To feel the softness reach your hand
Trust is another land

When my heart is full of love you glow
I trust that this is true
Afraid of forgetting to hide away
Fear of you searching the house
To find me crouching in a cupboard
Before I sleep I look around to find a spot
To crawl to safety, just in case
Learning to be myself regardless of rebuke
Express without fear of backlash
Looking at you through my eyes
I think you may have been sent
Across my path to face myself
Release the hardened crud
And if i can I'll give to you
Whatever you may need
Sorting out the old and new
Sifting through the debris
Finding treasure we can keep
Walk the road together
Looking at you through my eyes
I see what has been seen

MgM

clarity

I took a mind altering drug
everything that I was came to the fore
I said what was on my mind
I had to trust someone
No censorship

I took a mind altering drug
the truth poured from my soul
and my ears were open to hear it
No censorship

Away came the shroud from my eyes
I saw what was bothering me
It poured out of my eyes in frustrated tears
I tasted the fear on my lips

Whatever I was pretending to be was lost

I had to face myself

MgM

Dragging Cans

Every now and again I need to take the lid off and look at my life.

Ask myself a few questions.......

Am I in any way self medicating?
Have I let go of emotions or beliefs unnecessary and stale?
Am I defensive about any of my actions?
Have I been honest with myself about why I'm in the place that I am?
Do I have any unfinished business in my existing relationships?
Have I dealt with all unresolved issues in past relationships?
Are there any unanswered questions that I need to get off my chest?
Have I let go all emotional residue that holds me back and drains my energy, forgiving myself and others and putting my ego to bed?
Am I in denial about anything?
Am I able to sit in silence, without any distraction for a few hours?
When I take note of how much tension I've been holding in my body after mindfully relaxing my muscles, does it surprise me?
I take note of how much noise there is in my mind when I consciously meditate on nothing at all but silence.

Finally I visualize myself walking down the road with residue tethered to my belt, making noise, like cans on a bridal car. 

I cut the cords and walk away a little lighter for the time being.

MgM

Undo undo on the weather post.....

I looked out of the window and the weather looked fine.
I was off to a picnic and dressed for summer time.
I even put on sunblock and a silly little vest,
just in case the weather was at it's best.
We got to the venue all cheery and bright
but felt in the air a frightening bite.
I added a jersey, then added some more
as it dawned on me slowly a pox was in store.
I shivered and shook the whole day long
and spoke about weather, how freezing and more.
It got colder and colder and I couldn't believe
that without enough clothing I wanted to leave,
but we were stuck and had to endure
the whole day with goosebumps and icy for sure.
My fingers were frozen, my toes tingling and sore
and I knew that the universe had a lesson in store.
When we're warm enough, great, we're lucky to be
but beware of the day you're caught out in the sea.
There are those who experience this all of the time
and I'm grateful and humbled for this home of mine.

MgM

Traffic and Weather

How's the WEATHER?!
That's surely rhetorical isn't it? or do you really want an answer?
I mean The weather is either hot,cold, windy, raining, fine. There's nothing we're going to do about it and it is as it is. A little like stating the obvious, "It's FREEEZING!", when we're standing a meter apart in June and then freezing would be an exaggeration really. "Ja it's FREEEEZING! It wasn't this cold LAST year and what's going to happen next year!" It's winter right?
Sho but the WIND. Yeah it's August.

Someone accosts you as you approach, even before greeting and if not, very shortly after.
"Did you get TRAFFIC?"
 Huh? Well, I was on the highway and that's normally where the traffic is.......
"Was it bad?"
Bad?.....mmmmmm...well no, it was traffic.
"A LOT of trucks on the road."
The others were questions, this is a statement but I see I'm still required to relieve the worried face.
"It's backed up from such-and-such."
So what?

If there's that much traffic and congestion on the roads why would you be MORE stressed. Surely then one would drive very slowly and be completely relaxed.

I don't know how to have this conversation.

I do feel bad, so I usually answer "I didn't really notice, I was on the phone."

Learning to Fly

Mamabird watched as her beloved chicks hatched. Peppy, Simba, Fowly and Prince.

She loved these chicks with all of her heart, fed them healthy morsals and kept them warm.

One morning she noticed them looking afar, yearning for the west wind and freedom.

Peppy took the leap and jumped from the high nest, toppling and turning and finally finding his wings to come out in a wobbly swoop close to the ground. Mamabird's heart gave a leap and a churn as she watched Simba teetering on the edge. She crept closer and was about to hold him back when he too, jumped and toppled coming to the earth with a thud. Both Peppy and Simba brushed themselves off and gave whoops of victory which Mamabird missed.

Fowly was on the edge and Mamabird was ready. As Fowly jumped, she flew in under him and carried his weight on her wings till he landed safely and very gently on the ground. He wanted to try again, on his own. Everytime he jumped she was happy to help and proud of keeping him from harm. Fowly felt frustrated. He waited until she wasn't looking and made a run for it. He made it to the ground breaking his leg. He was so used to her holding him up that he miscalculated the distance.

Mamabird decided that she couldn't stand it and pecked away at Prince's wings until he was unable to fly.

You will stay with me, where you'll be safe.

Mamabird spent the rest of her life proud and pompous.

Prince spent the rest of his days staring out of the nest longing to fly.

MgM

Running the Race

Stand on the sidelines clapping encouragement. Watch with pride and joy as your loved one runs the race. When you see him fall, grieve with him. If you step forward and offer a piggy back he'll be put under pressure of unhealthy options. He may take the piggyback for instant relief, never to learn endurance through the pain as the task is taken from his hands. A habit of "holding-him-up" rather than walking with him, or even running alongside, inevitably tethers you together for life in a symbiotic partnership that leaves both weaker and confuses your individual purpose.

Purpose

I hang my head in shame
to think of so much shallow clinging.
I pray for more, when I have enough,
my hunger never sated.
Create hope in times to come
with a flaming heart
that will jump the gulf between people,
igniting dried out wicks.
We could then light up the sky,
burning all the chaff asunder.
Blacken the earth,
a rage so strong,
a love that knows no bounds.
Only then will spring forth
brave new shoots,
green and pure as springtime


MgM (c)

O tiny risk...

Longing for touch
as I step through the door
He steps forward to hug
I step back
Longing for truth
approaching the crowd
"How are YOU my friend?"
I'm just FINE!
In need  of some love
there's a diner close by
she smiles
so he hides in the menu

She buys a fat cat
buries her hands in that
and wishes on every bright star
He walks his big dog
searching daily the park
home alone he writes notes in his blog

There's a tangible space
an invisible brace
prevents us from reaching out
the excuse is fear
that our heart may just feel
the tiniest 'flik' of rejection
so what!, so bollocks
that tiny hook
that stops all bonds unfolding

Reach out I say
be brave today
ignore that short lived sting
MORE times you'll find
that head will turn
and friendship too will blossom

MgM