The Sweat

The Spiritual journey continues with a trip to a sweat lodge facilitated by a shaman, on a smallholding in Johannesburg.  As we drove, I was aware of a light tension headache, apprehensive at the thought of the ritual. The "lodge" is similar to an African Hut with a small low doorway. Twenty participants crawl into the lodge after a sage smudging (cleansing with sage smoke). We take up places around the walls and pack in tightly sitting cross legged with knees touching. We have prepared for a cleansing sweat ceremony and the red hot rocks are brought in from a huge fire outside,through the small doorway, to sit centrally in a sand bowl dugout.
Water is smacked onto the rocks with a bush of lavender and the door closes, plunging us into darkness. I wasn't prepared for this. We are instructed not to communicate with each other. I saw the tiny patches of light shining dimly through the woven "womb" and the ominously glowing rocks and calmed my rising anxiety. The heat was already unbearable, but I kept my focus on my breathing and calming myself, "you can do this ,we are  all together, you can do this, breathe". After ten minutes the wave of panic hit me. It rose up through my chest and gripped a strong hand on my throat. The urge to get up and run, to get out and scream was huge, my mind and body rebelling. I rocked myself and watched the sensation until it receded somewhat and I was in control again.I kept telling myself that any "rebirth" ceremony was bound to be uncomfortable.
I hadn't coloured my hair for 2 months. I had taken off all nail polish, taken out my belly ring. I had stopped using petrolium filled aqueous cream and my body had complained angrily with an itchy rash over my trunk.
The facilitators and shaman started singing beautiful comforting songs and asked us to bring up into our minds all that we were grateful for. I brought my children to mind and thanked the universe for being custodian to these wonderful souls and my heart filled with love.
My vision was of a large snake slowly moving and shedding it's skin. One of the first of many steps to renewal.
The doorway opened and as the light streamed into the area, I closed my eyes. More rocks were brought in to increase the heat. I didn't want to see the "physical outside". I wanted to stay in my heartspace where I'd created a place of calm.
We were back in the darkness for the second session. Some heavy breathing going on in the lodge, more water, more herbs(creating some smoke) and more heat.
For most of my life prior to the start of my journey I had been part of the Christian faith and had belonged to an evangelical church practicing laying on of hands, speaking in tongues, healing and visions. My tongue came to me and I started after the prompting of the shaman to sing or hum. I had a strange feeling of listening to my words and listening to the words around me - My heart filled with awe as I realised that the shaman was using the same words as I had received in the church, probably 15 years prior.
I was thrilled and knew this all somehow was linking up.
We sang until the end of the second session while a large bottle of water was passed around. My bladder was starting to complain and I tried to calm myself and control the urges. I was feeling full of love and exilarated.
The third session started after adding more rocks, more water, more smoke and even more heat.
The shaman led us in a Chakra meditation. We sounded out the Chakra notes for each and my voice was strong and confident.We started the humming for throat Chakra, and I had no voice! I couldn't believe it. I tried and tried and it was as if something had stuck in my throat. We moved on and I struggled to concentrate. I became extremely nauseous and my bladder was screaming at me.
My tension headache took full hold and gripped talons into my forehead and I rocked myself to keep from panic.
The door opened after the third session, there was one more to go. A man asked if  he could leave the lodge and was given the go ahead. This was my que. I also asked to leave the lodge and crawled to the doorway. Outside I felt punch drunk and disorientated. I head towards the bathrooms bent over double, relieved to be out and disappointed to be out, all at the same time.
On returning to wait at the fire outside the lodge (you can't go back in after you have left) I had the assurance of a large Monarch butterfly, one of  my totem animals, that all was in place. I sat on the bench and looked at my hands and feet that were swollen smooth and fat and sobbed into my facecloth.
I took a roack and cleared a space in the fire where I threw my facecloth and places a few twigs over it. I pushed away the thought, "she never finished anything". I closed my eyes and let the tears drain. As the fire greedily gobbled the material and sent up a resounding "whoosh", I opened my eyes and knew all was as it should be and that I had received healing and confirmation and that was enough. My spiritual friend said afterwards........"there's no judgement". Thankyou.
The last session ended and spiritually renewed, physically disorientated bodies tumbled from the lodge.Everyone made their silent and stunned way to an outdoor shower and plunge into an icecold pool. The aftermath of spiritual experience was heavy with meaning. We slowly and softly ladled veggie soup into our bowls and grabbed chunks of bread. A collective reverence covered the group with some mumbled conversation started and reached a relaxed chat. After regaining our composure, we drove home slowly. Fears met, spirits changed we drank lots of water and allowed the effects and revelations soak into our spirits and see the changes over the next months.