Flat Hunt

"If you don't make an offer today, it'll be gone by the morning!" announces the agent. I'm starting to enjoy my outings with the Estate Agents in Pretoria - I think it may be a good way to pass time, even if you're not looking for a property.

The minute you realise that the person driving you to view a place doesn't know you or doesn't particularly care, except for his commission, and then you can have just a little bit of fun.

Receiving an sms announcing, "I have found the perfect place for you!" was exciting. Of course when I got into his car he mentioned that there was just a little bit of work to do. I was skeptical and when we arrived it took me about 2 minutes to decide, that "no" this stinky flat was NOT the one. He then stood outside and informed me that "I'd better decide quickly or it would fly!"
Goodness all these flats and town houses doing a flying or disappearring act when there are 987 properties listed for sale in faerie glen alone. The mind boggles.
Strange thing, that all of the flats shown to me by this particular agent had a funny smell.

"You'll NEVER get granite in the kitchen for THAT price", when goodness I've seen ten new developements, ALL with granite in the kitchen.

"It IS a bit hot in this beautiful little A-frame, "with loft", but you can just put in an aircon".
He failed to mention that you would also have to be a midget to get into the bathroom upstairs.
You would also definitely have to remain seated in the loft area.........or be between the ages of two and six.

When I arrived at a lovely simplex I noticed that there was double electric fencing and four security boards nailed to the wall..........I enquired as to whether there was a security risk and the agent assured me vehemently "NO, as soon as someone TOUCHES the electric fencing, the guards will be here."
Well then why have they installed a laser "eye" on the outside wall?
....and no, we can't open the garage because the vicious dog is locked in there!
"So, Mandy, when will you be making an offer - this is a BARGAIN and the seller is in a hurry."
I replied that I would have to consult with my guru and let him know first thing in the morning.
I quite enjoyed the perturbed look on his face.

One man insists on showing me properties way above my price range, he only informs me as we leave "it's a little more than you wanted to pay, but you can just get a LITTLE bond."
What a freak!

The agent in the sports car said "you're a bit strange because I've shown you three lovely flats but you don't react, and now they're GONE".
Did I really have to remind her that I don't want a stack? Simplex, simplex, simplex. So big deal 3 flats have disappeared and now there are only 984 left!.....in faerie glen.
Then she showed me a simplex, "a needle in a hay stack", she called it - with the garage accessing the yard and 1,5 bathrooms and the perfect garden.
So when I asked to look at the garage, there is no door? and when I enquire she says, "it's in the right place you just have to break through the wall to get access.......it will be PERFECT".
A 1.5 bathroom should be one full and a guest toilet, no? So this more like 1/2 and 1/2, yes?

A young agent showed me a victorian first floor apartment and assured me that I would love the secure feeling "up there". I asked him where my garage was, and he pointed to "down there". When my friend phoned I loudly exclained that "I can't possibly tell this young man that I'm a screamer, and that's why I simply CAN'T take a stack dol!"

Funny that one never phoned me back.....pity, he was cute.

I found out that "don't worry too much about the damp" means (after digging up an old resident) the beautiful developement is built on a vlei!
I had a house that was built on a vlei - so I know why the crack appears in the floor and your life becomes all about covering up the cracks - so you don't buy the house!

As I scroll through the thousands of pictures on the internet, the "huge bargains" I saw six months ago are still there.