And the Butterfly follows Me

Dear Karen,
http://butterflyandbarnacle.wordpress.com/

My mom always encouraged women at church meetings by using her “Butterfly in a teacup” talk…..how to spread your wings in a trapped situation and still fly and be beautiful. A motivation for woman to cope in awful circumstances………….I decided to fly out of the cup and left my husband after 26 years.

At a fortieth Birthday, I met Janine – founder of the Charity Woman against Rape – WAR – her website needs revamping and I get the job – her logo is a butterfly – she is now one of my close friends. http://www.womanagainstrape.com/

Writing e-mails to my mom about my progress helped me make sense of the drama unfolding.
I got a reply one day to say “I am not your mom, but your story sounds amazing………..tell me more” Maureen’s e-mail address butterfly@...... my moms freebutterfly@...... so close had brought to me a wonderful friend.
Maureen and I communicated for a while and when we decided to arrange a meet realized that we lived less than 5kms apart!

I got a job in Johannesburg as a junior web developer (probably the oldest Junior web developer in the country… at 47). I had never worked away from home, my husband a doctor and avid polo player more than adequately provided. I am a qualified Pilates Mat Instructor.

My anthem in those days on my way to Jhb was Michael Bouble’s “Birds flying high………you know what I mean” and in one verse “Dragonfly out in the sun, Butterflies all having fun”
I sang the song over and over as I drove until I had it embedded in my heart…..It’s a new dawn, It’s a new day, a new life…for me.

I joined the Masters swimming club, Coelocanths, and met Henk – we trained in the Virgin active pool together and one day he was discussing the possibilities of a persons dreams coming true – I said to him that I had just got into the philosophy of the secret and would be living in the Bahamas one day.

I went to visit my sister in Cape Town and while waiting for the late one-time return flight sat next to a quiet man and find out we too live around the corner from each other in Pretoria and plan to meet up for coffee – he had just been to Simonstown where he anchors his yacht. We developed a close friendship. He needed to get the Yacht out of the water and into dry docks in Hout Bay for a clean up – I decided to take a weeks leave and involve myself in the project.
The week was amazing . I love water. My family – living in Harrismith, ten minutes from Sterkfontein Dam, went skiing every weekend in the summer………I had never sailed but I had a book and learned some important knots and I loved the boat and everthing that went with it.


The porta Loo didn’t phase me after years of Polo Tournaments where you’d see a line of women – some even with wide brimmed hats waiting in a line outside these temporary igloos – the fact that I had to climb down the 40 rung ladder in the beginning did make my legs weak but by the end of the week was up and down that ladder balancing coffee tea and food on one hand while holding with the other and only using every fourth rung.

I moved scaffolding and leaned over backward at 3 meters high to scrape off barnacles. I helped to paint on the toxic anti-fowling. A beautiful blue keel resulted – the rudder was removed and the prop was sanded gently – shiney smooth copper was replaced lovingly. Stop-cocks were cleaned, sanded, greased and replaced.
I learned so much, stretching myself – I was used to the soft comforts of luxury but never as happy as in that sweating, hard working, grimy-nailed, rough hands week in the Hout Bay Dry Docks.

At the end of June I was retrenched from the Web Job in Johannesburg.
The day after that I lost my Pilates venue and so my Pilates income.

I was determined not to feel low and started to crochet a bag for my daughter at varsity and the WAR charity ladies were interested to learn. I taught them to crochet and the excitement of a possible new project bouyed me for a while – When my daughter came to me to show me what she’d picked up and put on her ankle, I wondered if the vision of 200 ladies making bags was going to become a reality? A beautiful beaded ankle bracelet with a butterfly on it!

My divorce is dragging and I sank into a dark hole.
I took out so many videos from the local video store that Kenny, the owner and I became friends – The blue Butterfly – was in my bag and I made my way home.

Adrian, a concerned friend skyped and I told him that at least I was about to watch a movie about a miracle! His reply “Oh, but your miracle has been on back order – it will be arriving soon!” sent cold shivers throughout my body and after the movie felt a little in a trance-like state – oh my word….something is happening here.

I dreamed that I woke up with a heavy wooden door lying on top of me – all I could do was move my finger and pushed open the copper letter flap. I saw bright light and in breaststroke mode swam through the letter flap and out into the sun with outstretched arms on a green grass verge looking at a blue butterfly flying away.

“Mom go to gran” from my daughter and “go to your mom and come and visit me” from Margie a good friend – only problem being that my mom stays in Harrismith and I was nervous to return. The fact that my husband is in New Zealand on holiday with my son made it possible and I got in my car for the journey south.

This felt like David and Goliath.

Coming back to a place that I’d fled from. Everyone saw me as a deserter.
It was cathartic.
I was led to a friend in Pietermaritzberg, Cheryl had said – “get on a cruise ship as a Pilates instructor- and work while you sail around the Islands until court date – that way Bahamas can be a reality” – My court date is Feb 2010 - I think it’s a brilliant idea – so my cv is on the cruise ship job sites.

I remembered old friends Cliff and Penny Freeman and decided to look them up. We had a tea and I updated Penny with the strange way my life was unfolding. My mind is open to all possibilities, my spirit is lifted, all things are possible – I won’t try and work out the details or try and make sense with my head – I have to follow with my heart.
Penny sent me an sms this morning about your blog – Karen and Dick “Butterfly and Barnacle” – I was blown away – in the Bahamas !

I’m not sure how you fit into my story but now you’re part of my miracle and my new life and this excites me – maybe I’ll meet you on a stop-over while working on a cruise ship –
Somewhere in the future I’ll join the dots and then will see the whole picture and who knows maybe it’s a butterfly……but I’ll keep you posted.

I joined the Brooklyn library and was keen to catch up on my old time favourite Roald Dahl and also found – Emotional Alchemy – the blue butterfly on the cover drew me and the book was life changing!

My fortune cookie reads…………Love is like a butterfly…..it flies where it pleases and pleases where it flies.
A friend reminded me the other day to always remember that a butterfly goes through a metamorphosis. Not always comfortable and that I am in the throes of change.

I have been inspired to create my own blog and can't tell you the release it has brought me to get the stories out in the open. One day we'll know.

Until then, best regards
Mandy