Dread-Mill

If someone had to ask me if I think I'm a chopper pilot, I'd say "no pal, but can YOU drive a treadmill?"

I spin, swim and frequent the gym often but the treadmill....
Ok so it calculates the calories you use depending on speed and incline. The treadmill can show you five different channels of tv while your walking and tune you in to your favourite radio station. It monitors your heartbeat and can speed up slow down and throw you off if you forget to pedal - I mean walk.
I arrive with a bottle of water and my earphones - to plug into my favourite tv show. The choices are quite fun. Rugby, soccer, news and cricket. I don't normally watch soccer but seeing that the biggest game of the year Manchester United against Barcelona was on........well what can a girl do.
So I'm ready to "roll" and the screen reads "touch me"! Goodness, ok - so I touch away and when nothing happens I give the screen a sharp tap. I left a note to the manufacturer....."sharp tap me?" would that work?
I'm cool, I smile, I look around me at all the walking, smiling, obviously very clever running masses.

I have entered weight, age, address, time, distance but this machine just won't work for me and my time is running out. I notice a "quick start" button and tap sharply!

It's moving.....and we're off............VERY slowly I might add, oh? ok I see the -big plus- and give a few very experienced sharp taps until.....I'm going too fast and have to hang onto the handles which automatically monitor my heartbeat! I want to laugh but have to be cool as I frantically sharply tap repeatedly the -big minus- and after a few tries I slow down to an acceptable pace.

I then strike the "I'm totally at home" on the big walking machine stagger and I whip out my blackberry and send an sms. I have arrived!

After about 30 minutes I check my calorie count hoping that I can lay to rest the packet of Provita crunchie-vites-with-cranberries I flattened for tea........and realise that all I can claim are two tiny biccy's!

I know now that this brilliant machine is intuative because as I hit the big red "Emergency Stop" and think "to hell with that!", it nearly catapults me into the pool!