Stompies

So why is it that my neighbours insist on using my garden as an ashtray?

When I lived in the bottom flat of a stack and found a few fresh stompies on my lawn, I just threw them up onto the upstairs balcony.
Although I threw stompies onto the balcony every second day, in the two years I stayed there they never said a word and neither did I.
The arrangement seemed to work well for both parties.

In my new complex I have a garden on my outer wall. The neighbours stand outside chatting with their guests and I watch as they casually thumb-flick the filter onto the wall and watch with disinterest as it plops into the flowerbed.

Then along comes a proud young man with a staffy, stops, watches lovingly as his dog shits in my garden and walks off without......never mind a backward glance.....HEY!! where's your pooper scooper PAL!
I'm starting to grind my teeth while smiling "hello" at the nighbours every morning.
They sweetly remark, "we were saying the other day that you keep very funny hours?" with suggestively lifting eyebrows, which of course feeds my motivation to "get even".
What to do, What to do?
The neighbours are young new owners and very proud of their new garden at their front entrance.
Staffy-boy walks past my house every day - and what do you think, the dog remembers "Ahh this is my toilet!....Mandyloo".

I don't want to start little quibles about mundane grievances in my small complex but cummon...I'm an ex-smoker and I know the feeling when you're that desperate that you'll dig in the bin for a stompie just long and dry enough for three drags, but you still use an ashtray.

I wait.
Until they have left for work.

With pursed lips and a determined look, I pick up every last stompie and throw them into their perfect front garden.

I quickly head back into mine and when I've taken a few deep breaths, inhaling yet more courage, I head back to the flowerbed with my little spade.

I flick the poops gently onto the paving just in the path of the dogwalkers.

Feeling very happy with myself and head off to work.

Next morning I take a "wide" birth to my car and wave a happy "hello" to my neighbours bowed heads as they peer intently into their not so perfect garden.