Fatherfear

Conditioned to fear, to run, to hide
No place is safe from harm
Dad said never trust anyone
While carrying whip in hand
When I look at you I see
Whatever I have seen
My eyes are shrouded with a mist
My filter skewed distorted
Anger, fear and jealousy
One pulls the love apart
To look for the worm the hidden thing
That lurks inside
And when you look again
It's gone,
I broke it tore it ripped it open
Leaving only shreds
The memory of it remains
And guilty full of shame
I try once more
Only to do the same
Help me to see your love anew
Listen with my heart
To feel the softness reach your hand
Trust is another land

When my heart is full of love you glow
I trust that this is true
Afraid of forgetting to hide away
Fear of you searching the house
To find me crouching in a cupboard
Before I sleep I look around to find a spot
To crawl to safety, just in case
Learning to be myself regardless of rebuke
Express without fear of backlash
Looking at you through my eyes
I think you may have been sent
Across my path to face myself
Release the hardened crud
And if i can I'll give to you
Whatever you may need
Sorting out the old and new
Sifting through the debris
Finding treasure we can keep
Walk the road together
Looking at you through my eyes
I see what has been seen

MgM

clarity

I took a mind altering drug
everything that I was came to the fore
I said what was on my mind
I had to trust someone
No censorship

I took a mind altering drug
the truth poured from my soul
and my ears were open to hear it
No censorship

Away came the shroud from my eyes
I saw what was bothering me
It poured out of my eyes in frustrated tears
I tasted the fear on my lips

Whatever I was pretending to be was lost

I had to face myself

MgM

Dragging Cans

Every now and again I need to take the lid off and look at my life.

Ask myself a few questions.......

Am I in any way self medicating?
Have I let go of emotions or beliefs unnecessary and stale?
Am I defensive about any of my actions?
Have I been honest with myself about why I'm in the place that I am?
Do I have any unfinished business in my existing relationships?
Have I dealt with all unresolved issues in past relationships?
Are there any unanswered questions that I need to get off my chest?
Have I let go all emotional residue that holds me back and drains my energy, forgiving myself and others and putting my ego to bed?
Am I in denial about anything?
Am I able to sit in silence, without any distraction for a few hours?
When I take note of how much tension I've been holding in my body after mindfully relaxing my muscles, does it surprise me?
I take note of how much noise there is in my mind when I consciously meditate on nothing at all but silence.

Finally I visualize myself walking down the road with residue tethered to my belt, making noise, like cans on a bridal car. 

I cut the cords and walk away a little lighter for the time being.

MgM

Undo undo on the weather post.....

I looked out of the window and the weather looked fine.
I was off to a picnic and dressed for summer time.
I even put on sunblock and a silly little vest,
just in case the weather was at it's best.
We got to the venue all cheery and bright
but felt in the air a frightening bite.
I added a jersey, then added some more
as it dawned on me slowly a pox was in store.
I shivered and shook the whole day long
and spoke about weather, how freezing and more.
It got colder and colder and I couldn't believe
that without enough clothing I wanted to leave,
but we were stuck and had to endure
the whole day with goosebumps and icy for sure.
My fingers were frozen, my toes tingling and sore
and I knew that the universe had a lesson in store.
When we're warm enough, great, we're lucky to be
but beware of the day you're caught out in the sea.
There are those who experience this all of the time
and I'm grateful and humbled for this home of mine.

MgM

Traffic and Weather

How's the WEATHER?!
That's surely rhetorical isn't it? or do you really want an answer?
I mean The weather is either hot,cold, windy, raining, fine. There's nothing we're going to do about it and it is as it is. A little like stating the obvious, "It's FREEEZING!", when we're standing a meter apart in June and then freezing would be an exaggeration really. "Ja it's FREEEEZING! It wasn't this cold LAST year and what's going to happen next year!" It's winter right?
Sho but the WIND. Yeah it's August.

Someone accosts you as you approach, even before greeting and if not, very shortly after.
"Did you get TRAFFIC?"
 Huh? Well, I was on the highway and that's normally where the traffic is.......
"Was it bad?"
Bad?.....mmmmmm...well no, it was traffic.
"A LOT of trucks on the road."
The others were questions, this is a statement but I see I'm still required to relieve the worried face.
"It's backed up from such-and-such."
So what?

If there's that much traffic and congestion on the roads why would you be MORE stressed. Surely then one would drive very slowly and be completely relaxed.

I don't know how to have this conversation.

I do feel bad, so I usually answer "I didn't really notice, I was on the phone."

Learning to Fly

Mamabird watched as her beloved chicks hatched. Peppy, Simba, Fowly and Prince.

She loved these chicks with all of her heart, fed them healthy morsals and kept them warm.

One morning she noticed them looking afar, yearning for the west wind and freedom.

Peppy took the leap and jumped from the high nest, toppling and turning and finally finding his wings to come out in a wobbly swoop close to the ground. Mamabird's heart gave a leap and a churn as she watched Simba teetering on the edge. She crept closer and was about to hold him back when he too, jumped and toppled coming to the earth with a thud. Both Peppy and Simba brushed themselves off and gave whoops of victory which Mamabird missed.

Fowly was on the edge and Mamabird was ready. As Fowly jumped, she flew in under him and carried his weight on her wings till he landed safely and very gently on the ground. He wanted to try again, on his own. Everytime he jumped she was happy to help and proud of keeping him from harm. Fowly felt frustrated. He waited until she wasn't looking and made a run for it. He made it to the ground breaking his leg. He was so used to her holding him up that he miscalculated the distance.

Mamabird decided that she couldn't stand it and pecked away at Prince's wings until he was unable to fly.

You will stay with me, where you'll be safe.

Mamabird spent the rest of her life proud and pompous.

Prince spent the rest of his days staring out of the nest longing to fly.

MgM

Running the Race

Stand on the sidelines clapping encouragement. Watch with pride and joy as your loved one runs the race. When you see him fall, grieve with him. If you step forward and offer a piggy back he'll be put under pressure of unhealthy options. He may take the piggyback for instant relief, never to learn endurance through the pain as the task is taken from his hands. A habit of "holding-him-up" rather than walking with him, or even running alongside, inevitably tethers you together for life in a symbiotic partnership that leaves both weaker and confuses your individual purpose.